,

Reassurance. 

On its face, reassurance presumes to be a positive action given by one to another. Often positive, supportive and uplifting of one's confidence, reassurance appears and thus is pursued because it has a positive connotation. 

As a child, as a neophyte in anything, reassurance from someone who is the expert is, I would argue, a much needed offering. After all, in order to know what we should be doing or how we should do something in order to be successful, reassurance from someone who has succeeded in the field or life arena we seek to improve is an appreciated gesture. 

However, just as the novice seeks reassurance from the expert, it reveals the acknowledgement of inferiority. And while completely understandable and expected in the situation described above, when we wish to be seen as an equal, seeking reassurance reveals our insecurity.

When it comes to relationships, romantic relationships and even friendships, when one party is regularly seeking reassurance, their insecurity and awareness of themselves and what they have to offer is revealed. And here is the irony that upon discovering stopped me in my tracks. Reassurance, when sought and then received from a partner or a friend, feeds us much like a drug: We want more.

Ironically, we think that when we attain the reassurance we seek, we will be satiated, but the opposite in fact is true. Why? Life happens and relationships are dynamic, moving, ever-evolving entities. Once our mind is eased about the initial unknown, another unknown will arise that we could have never predicted, and we will again seek reassurance. Often the following reassurance will need to be more, different and more complexly involved. And unless we realize the damage our insecurity is causing, ever-so slightly and gradually on the relationship, we will exhaust the other individual. 

And so today, if it is reassurance you seek, whether in life, a job, or a relationship, take a moment to look within. More often than not, the insecurity comes from a past experience when something out of your control threw you off course and caught you by surprise, leaving you to assume you must have done something wrong if only you would have known what so you could have fixed it. But the truth is, and here is the good news I want you to absorb, understand and apply as you move forward, the loss, the debacle, the heartbreak, was going to happen one way or another. You could not have stopped it. 

And so as you move forward, and when you think you need reassurance, look within. Ask yourself, why am I fearful? What is it that gives me doubt? And know that part of having doubt is wanting something to occur so badly that we don't want to make a mistake for fear of losing it. There is good news with this realization: one, you've found something that speaks to you, that sings your unique tune; and two, you now have to allow yourself to trust and step forward with hope, letting go of expectation. The last part is scary, but accepting that you cannot control everything as you move forward should also be a reason to breathe a sigh of relief. Think of what you can take off of your worry list, your to-do list, so that you can just enjoy the life you've created right now, in the present moment. And when you do that you become the person you are capable of being. The person who enjoys their life, the person who creates a bit of mystery because they do not have to ask or share or expose all. Confidence is attractive, confidence creates desire and it is reassurance, when we seek it constantly, that squelches both of these entities. 

So recognize when the need for reassurances arises and then step beyond it. You will be okay, you are okay. You are more than okay. You're absolutely amazing.

Well, with today's letter running long, I will keep my salutation short. This week was full of dreams, fashion, a wonderful affordable find if you are looking for a classic trench, celebrating the everyday and finally, the April focus of welcoming more quality into your life - how to reduce mindless eating. I do hope you enjoy and have a wonderful weekend!  Until next week, I'll see you on the blog.​​​​​​​