,
As a teacher, you can't help but become an observer of your students' behavior. And I'm always amazed and intrigued by how teenagers interact. Such was the case as I was observing two of my female students who were without question good friends. And as one friend called her a playful name in jest, the other quickly,
abruptly, yet with certainty, directed her to not call her such a name or she wouldn't respond. Her friend quickly edited herself, and they went about their way.
I couldn't help but contemplate the importance of
boundaries after observing this particular scene. Often times, while we don't appreciate someone taking advantage of their position, or intruding upon our time or space, we hesitate for a myriad of reasons: not wishing to hurt their feelings, second guessing ourselves, etc. And if by chance we do eventually say something, if we do so demurely, we aren't taken seriously.
More than anything, I am almost certain it was the resolute nature with which the name-called student responded that prompted the desired result of better treatment. Why not become more in tune with our intuition, and respect when it is uncomfortable, feeling disrespected or being trampled on and respond? Granted, we must take into account how we
respond, but it is, as was demonstrated above, imperative that we respond with certainty, clarity and refuse to waver in what we need to feel respected.
If those we interact with do wish to work with us, they will listen and respond in
kind. And if they don't, we become quickly aware of who we should keep at a further arm's distance. While being kind and thoughtful is certainly a quality to be admired, it shouldn't be the default if our self-respect and boundaries of security and safety are on the line.
Why I bring this up is that as I mentioned in the book, I deeply value my time alone. Perhaps more than most people, I can spend time by myself creating, dreaming and doing without any thought of how much time has gone by or a druther that I'm by myself. It has taken a long time to
convey this reality about my personality to my family who for so long could not make sense of someone wanting to spend time by herself for such durations. My brother and his family, especially struggled with understanding this as they are much more extroverted by nature. However, I realized it was up to me to stand my ground, to speak firmly and clearly, and when I finally spoke with certainty, they took me seriously.
So yes, it is the tone, the firmness or lack thereof that will help set the boundaries we need in order to create a life that we feel comfortable and safe, yet connected enough to enjoy others' company. While we can become frustrated with others when they over-step their boundaries, we must first look to ourselves
and ask, what did I do to establish the boundary that I need? Perhaps we need to simply communicate a bit better. And while that takes a bit of courage, it will be worth it.
In this week's newsletter you will find a few posts about Valentine's Day,
or should I say ideas about love, relationships and pampering. In this week's podcast the discussion initially was going to be about men and boys, but as you will see/hear, I felt it a better idea to talk about how we (women) can be better versions of ourselves as we go about seeking relationships. (Although, you will notice below, I went ahead and wrote that post about men & boys as well.) Also, if you are looking for a delicious Valentine's Day dinner for two, this
week's Petit Plaisir on the podcast is one you will want to check out, but I also have a few other simple, yet decadent ideas on this week's Thoughts from the Editor.
No matter how you spend the weekend, I do hope you enjoy your own company, perhaps indulge in a little pampering or pleasure and are able to indulge and enjoy a few days off (for some a long weekend to revel in). Until next week, I'll see you on the
blog.
